Memories In White Light
by ArwenTurner
Summary: --Songfic to Keane-"Bedshaped" -- Draco reflecting on his relationship with Harry. --Slash--


_AN: Song is "Bedshaped" by Keane._

On the cold, stone floor of the Slytherin Common room, Draco sits, hugging his knees. He has lost track of how many hours he has been there, but it's certainly late. All is black except for a stream of moonlight coming in through the window, illuminating him. The common room has been empty for many hours now. 

_ Many's the time I ran with you down  
The rainy roads of your old town  
Many the lives we lived in each day  
And buried altogether  
Don't laugh at me  
Don't look away _

He closes his eyes and lets his memory slip back. He and Harry had, many times, crept out of Hogwarts in the middle of the night and went into Hogsmeade using a secret passage Harry knew. One particular memory stuck out in his mind. They had emerged, hand in hand, from the Shrieking Shack. It was pouring down with rain. They ran through the dark and deserted town and came to a halt at a little alleyway. It was there that they shared their first kiss. Draco's brow furrowed at the memory...that first kiss...the kiss he had longed for...He sighed at this point. This was just too painful. Reluctantly, he let the memory continue its replay...for the tenth time that night. He remembered their laughs as they ran together back to the shrieking shack, clothes soaked. He remembered Harry as he was that day, in the shrieking shack, moonlight shining in on him...highlighting the grin on his wet face. That image would never escape his mind, forever etched into his memory. 

_ You'll follow me back  
With the sun in your eyes  
And on your own  
Bedshaped  
And legs of stone  
You'll knock on my door  
And up we'll go  
In white light  
I don't think so  
But what do I know?  
What do I know?  
I know! _

Now what had happened? What had gone so wrong? Draco longed for those nights again, where he could actually be happy...where he could actually escape. He let out a small laugh as he remembered having to pretend to hate Harry during school, standing outside potions, trying to insult him while trying to hide the soppy grin on his own face. He got some strange looks from their classmates! What happened to those days? Draco understood why Harry changed...of course he did. Those days were carefree, those nights in Hogsmeade. He didn't have the troubles he carries now, despite all the situations he seemed to attract in the first few years of Hogwarts. Their Seventh year had been tough on Harry...and Draco had tried to ignore it...but, after the deaths of many Gryffindors at Christmas, of which Harry was partly responsible...he had changed. Draco knew he wouldn't go back to his old self. 

_ I know you think I'm holding you down  
And I've fallen by the wayside now  
And I don't understand the same things as you  
But I do  
_

Draco put his head in his hands when he remembered that night...that fateful night. Harry was yelling. He hated that. But what was the most cutting was when he realised the words that were coming from his mouth. "It's your fault, Draco!" Harry's voice played in his head. "This whole thing is putting too much pressure on me. I've too many things of my own to deal with...I can't handle your secrets as well!" Of course, Draco hadn't taken this personally, he was always too stubborn for that...Harry had changed him, but he was still his own person. What he couldn't believe was when Harry came back to him a week later, apologising...and trying to kiss him. Draco pushed him away. He couldn't let Harry mess with his mind like that. 

_ Don't laugh at me  
Don't look away _

The next day, when Draco seen Harry and his friends in the Great Hall, he heard Harry talking about him to his friends, "Oh there's Malfoy..." and he heard something about Snape too...and although he couldn't make out what he had said, he knew...he just knew. Partly by the way Weasley and Granger erupted with laughter seconds later. Then, later that day, outside Potions, he had approached Harry. "Can we talk?" That second there that followed was the most upsetting; more upsetting than the laughter that morning...Harry looked him directly in the eyes, then turned and walked away. Completely ignored. 

You'll follow me back  
With the sun in your eyes  
And on your own  
Bedshaped  
And legs of stone  
You'll knock on my door  
And up we'll go  
In white light  
I don't think so  
But what do I know?  
What do I know?  
I know! 

It had wormed its way into Draco's dreams too. Frequently he dreamt of Harry coming back to him, and then deserting him. Frequently he dreamt of the happy times. Wiping a single tear from his cheek, he raised his head. Something had moved in front of him, the line of moonlight into the common room had been blocked. There was a figure before him; he couldn't make it out in the darkness. "Hello?" he called, uncertainly. The figure before him bent down to his level and leaned forward. Draco's breath caught in his throat has he felt lips on his. Harry's kiss. 

_ And up we'll go  
In white light  
I don't think so  
But what do I know?  
What do I know? I know! _

Draco inhaled slowly as Harry pulled away. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, how he, a Gryffindor, had gotten into the Slytherin common room for one, but no words were needed. He watched as Harry stood up and slowly walked away. Draco knew. That was the final kiss. That was an apology...and a goodbye. 


End file.
